Here’s one I’ve really not listened to for a very long time, The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years the 1988 soundtrack to the Penelope Spheeris film of the same name. I saw the film once back in the day and remember being vaguely embarrassed by it, was my dad watching it with me? can’t quite remember. I have dim memories of various metal icons, some A-list, most B-list or below, spouting nonsense and behaving in a mostly non-dignified manner – was I really that prissy at 17? or was I really watching it with a parent? It’s not available on DVD so I’m afraid vague cider-fogged memories are all I have to go on.
I bought the LP on Valentine’s day 1989 for myself, sadly not having a suitably hard lovin’ woman* to lavish my dish-washing money on, 80% for the live Faster Pussycat track and 20% for a version of ‘Under My Wheels’ by Alice Cooper featuring Axl, Slash and Izzy from, oh you know that band from 1980′s. Anything else which might have been listenable would be a bonus. Which is just as well, as I didn’t find too much else I did like amongst these grooves at the time.
First things first, shorn of the visual entertainment value of Chris Holmes of W.A.S.P pouring vodka over his head whilst swearing at his mum, Paul Stanley surrounded by lingerie models and Ozzy Osbourne (pre-cuddly family friendly version) trying to make a cooked breakfast in a kimono I remember (?) and spilling it all over the place due to DTs**, we’re left with the music alone; as well as little sound bites by the likes of Alice Cooper (ruminating on the origins of the term headbanger), Gene Simmons (‘Sex and Rock and roll, the American Way!’^), Rikki Rockett (some nonsense about girls) and Steven Tyler (lifestyle advice about always wearing a rubber and not ding drugs…hmm). So how about Lizzy Borden, Rigor Mortis, Seduce and Metal Church then?
First up the Alice ‘n’ Roses track is a good one, basically a glorified demo quality track sounding like it was knocked out in an afternoon with some interesting vocal ad-libs and guitar flourishes. If you’re a fan of either party it really is well worth a listen, not a patch on the original of course, but very little beats the original Alice Cooper band in my opinion, old fart that I am. The main attraction for me then was the live version of ‘Bathroom Wall’ by Faster Pussycat and hey I still like it, it makes me wish they’d kept a little of the punky energy of this track in their music later on – I mean come on, who can resist a song which ends,
Got your number off the bathroom wall
And I decided it was about time I made the call
Got your number off the bathroom wall
Boy Am I lucky that I didn’t use the other stall
Not me, still. The ruffians even swear a bit on this version too! Shocking stuff, you can actually hear Western civilization audibly declining a bit during this track. True story.
I have a soft spot for the Armoured saint rarity ‘You Can Run But You Can’t Hide’, pretty straight-ahead metal with conspicuously good vocals. I never followed this up and bought anything else by them, but I really enjoyed John Bush’ stint singing in Anthrax. Lizzy Borden’s live cover of ‘Born to be Wild’ is pretty functional, basically a competent band doing what they needed to for a payday – in the dregs of my memory I vaguely recall some Dee-Snider-without-the-humour brand of theatricality though, so this is probably better on vinyl than VHS.
Megadeth’s ‘In My Darkest Hour’ misses the spot for me, I find the production a bit, umm, splashy and tinny (apologies if my highly technical analysis leaves you behind a bit here), although Dave Mustaine provides the image for the cover of The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (how I love to type that). Queensrÿche ‘The Prophecy’ is up next and I think I’m right in calling it a bit of a rarity, I’m not much of an expert on them, I know it was re-recorded later. Again, it doesn’t do a huge amount for me, almost sounding like a bit of an Iron Maiden impersonation – I’m guessing they hadn’t found themselves by that point.
Metal Church ‘The Brave’, is much better to my ears, a good deep churning riff albeit with the occasional off-key old-school metal scream, just like Grandma used to bake. Rigor Mortis ‘Foaming At the Mouth’ is next up and everything accelerates up to early Slayer speed, I hated it then and quite like it now, it’s no lost classic though the treble-heavy production saw to that. Last track Seduce ‘Colleen’ is an unremarkable one, maybe you could characterize them as a heavier, more competent Motley Crüe without any of the charisma.
So you’ve basically got the usual metal compilation mix of the good, the average and the skip-to-the-next-track worthy, I’ve yet to hear a really good metal comp which plays well as an LP from start to finish and actually sounds like an LP, as opposed to a rag-bag of tracks thrown together. Maybe metal is too broad a (metal) church to corral and compile easily like that.
But I’ve cheated a bit here, the third track on the LP, the one I’ve carefully concealed from you until now, is the one that had the most lasting effect on me, Motörhead ‘Cradle to the Grave’, it’s sheet metal riff^^ just triggered something in me all those years ago. It’s the reason I sought out further ‘head tracks out and one of the things that got me into heavier music full stop, hell if it wasn’t for Lemmy and the boys here I may have ended up the sort of fluffy-haired poseur that baulked at Dokken for being too heavy, or at least until I ran out of my allotted hair time on Earth. I don’t know whether I’m over-stating it a bit, or getting a bit chauvinistic, but Motörhead really do bring a bit of British grit and aggravation to the party here, which does scatter some of the flimsier Hollywood posturing to the four winds.
You’ve been living on a razors edge, soon as you learn to shave,
Make sure you live, be a long time dead,
Cradle To The Grave
Never mind the decline of Western civilization – you could build a new one based on that wisdom. Let’s get to it folks.
310 Down.
*or wild-eyed gypsy dancer, if you prefer the Ronnie James Dio brand of wanton womanhood.
**faked apparently. I’m guessing it was stunt orange juice.
^It was pretty big in Wales too, boyo.
^^no, that’s not me putting on a Mexican accent.
Well, welcome back to the Sundust Lounge in Vegas folks for the second annual 1537, umm, annual awards. As you take your seats in the auditorium, sorry fellow bloggers no trainers, or loungewear allowed, you’ll notice what a star-studded gathering this really is. Yup, sadly Billy Crystal couldn’t quite make it to present the awards again but we have got at least one ex member of Bang Tango, her out of All About Eve and someone who used to work in a record shop in Seattle. I appreciate that a lot of you have flown down especially to be here tonight from Melbourne, Glasgow, Indiana, Colorado, London, Canadaville and Stroud, so without more we’ll go straight on with the awards after Hanson and Enuff Z’Nuff duet together on Sepultura’s ’Biotech is Godzilla’.
Well, ladies and gentlemen wasn’t that, umm, special.
The first award for ‘LP bought solely for gratuitous chewing-gum-on-boob cover’ goes to:
Scorpions – Love Drive
Yup those crazy guys managed to retain their award from last year, which makes the Scorpions the first double 1537 award winners in history. Remember if they win it three times they get to retain the hollow statuette which has been hand-crafted with traditional Welsh implements and manufactured from only the finest extruded die-cast polycarbonates available today.
The second award is the Lou Reed memorial award for ‘Most titties on a LP cover bought this year’ (opens envelope), this year’s award goes to
Phosphorescent – Muchacho
Yup, 4 titties won the prize this year for Matthew Houck, I’m scoring the front cover as two boobs even though they’re a bit out of focus. But will this be enough to put Phosphorescent in line for the Best of 2013 award? We’ll find out after our next entertainment as Deicide and Eminem team up on a cover of ‘Wind Beneath my Wings’.
Boobs, Phosphorescent, Evidence
Well ladies and gentlemen, who was expecting that? a full-frontal same-sex kiss between Glen Benton and Mr Eminem – we’ll be making all the papers tomorrow! Anyway on with the awards!
The Ray Manzarek memorial award for ‘the best-looking and put-together LP bought this year’, goes to
Pacific 231 – Micromega
A great, atmospheric ambient LP in its’ own right, the wonderfully well-cut USB pouch, credit card style USB device, spattered vinyl and sumptuous cover ensured that Pacific 231 and their record company Silent Media romped away with this award* against some stiff opposition this year. My photos don’t really do it justice.
But now for the big one, the 1537 Top 567 8 Best LPs of 2013. As always this was a hard one to call, but here we go:
1. Endless Boogie – Long Island
A worthy winner, helped perhaps by the fact it was released in February, so I’ve listened to it shitloads this year. Wonderful spacious jams that never lose sight of the power of a good tune, or the importance of trolls in contemporary music.
2. Clutch – Earth Rocker
Simple: great tunes, brilliantly played, with cool Native-American Space Egyptian dudes on the cover. Backed up by a fabulous live show too. I’d not heard a note 12 months ago and now I’m a huge fan.
3. Greg Haines – Where We Were
Listened to this so much this year, it’s a wonderful Anglo-German ambient dub LP which uses the empty spaces in the music faultlessly to evoke a nocturnal car ride through a city.
4. Atoms For Peace – Amok
Great, inventive and downright groovy LP, all topped-off with Thom Yorke’s divine falsetto. I’ve spent chunks of this year living in this album. Absolutely brilliantly presented too. I also found some nice stamps.
5. Public Service Broadcasting – Inform, Educate, Entertain
The quintessence of Englishness, a sampledelic rendering of our island’s back pages courtesy of old BFI footage being teamed with some crackingly inventive playing by messers Willgoose and Wigglesworth. I found this to be an LP with real lasting power.
6. Bombino – Nomad
Quite simply the best quitar-slinging I’ve heard all year, courtesy of Omara “Bombino” Moctar, some gritty blistering Malian guitar magic produced by Dan Auerbach. I can’t keep my air guitar sheathed during this one.
7. Phosphorescent – Muchacho
Not just titties! One of the best sets of songs I came across this year. Ranging from the slinky sexed-up ‘Ride on/Right on’, to the darkly brooding ‘The Quotidian Beasts’; echoes of Young, Springsteen and even Patti Smith abound but not to the extent of drowning out Houck’s own voice.
8. Vista Chino – Peace
Stoner rock in excelsis from Kyuss veterans including the man I worship unreservedly, Brant Bjork. Old tricks re-worked into new grooves until they squeak with the tightness and rightness of it all.
So there you have it, nauseatingly self-indulgent I know, but hey welcome to my world. To be entirely honest you could shuffle those LPs and deal them out in almost any order, they’re the new ones I’ve spent my time with this year. There are a lot of other good ones, from bands I like a lot, but these are the ones that have really stuck.
Out of all the old stuff out there that I’ve picked up on this year two really stand out for me, my local space rock favourites, Mugstar – Lime from 2011 and Dennis Wilson – Pacific Ocean Blue from 1977, which is just a complete LP, in a way that very few are. Both of which have lit up my life at times over the last 12 months.
Shady goings on at the after show party
So there you go folks. Just time to enjoy our all-star jam through a medley of timeless hits by Firehouse and Winger. Thank you very much and see you next year at the Tokyo Enormodomo, which I am having constructed especially for the occasion.
310 Down (still).
*purveyors of high-concept immaculately realized media projects, I urge you to check them out online; lead chap Ben Link Collins is a particularly nice, friendly fellow in my experience.
